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Conversations become crucial when there is disagreement, when the stakes are high and when emotions run hot. This is when the “chips are down” and things really matter. How do you respond in these challenging situations? People tend to fall into two groups. There are those who become aggressive, and those who withdraw rather than buy a fight. Which group are you in, or are you one of those rare people who can handle these situations with skill?

We invite you to try a short exercise. Think about a crucial conversation that you had recently that did not work out well.

GO ON DO IT NOW, YOU COULD LEARN SOMETHING IMPORTANT!

In this exercise analyse a crucial conversation that you have had that didn’t turn out well.

Take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the right hand side outline the details of the conversation who said what as far as you can remember.

What was the disagreement over?
What was at stake in the conversation?
What emotions were involved?

Try to be as specific as you can about the importance of the conversation to you.

In the left hand column write what you were thinking at the time. Also write what you were feeling. Did you express these feelings during the course of the conversation?

Write what you thought you might have said but didn’t and why you didn’t say what was on your mind?

How honest were you or did you try to manipulate the conversation? Were there things that you felt could not to be discussed but which had an important bearing on what might have followed from the conversation?

Did you become aggressive or did you withdraw. How did you feel about the outcome of the conversation?

We have all had experiences of crucial conversations that have not gone well and we wish that we could turn to clock back and start over again, or we think of the perfect thing to say half an hour later and we play the perfect solution over in our mind.

The brutal truth is that without developing the capacity and skills for crucial conversations we will repeat the same errors again the next time a crucial conversation arises.

Those who are skilled at crucial conversations can discuss virtually anything no matter how sensitive or potentially explosive. They are able to show respect for those with differing opinions even though they disagree with them. They are able to master their emotions and diffuse challenging situations and mend broken relationships. They enjoy the respect and admiration of their colleagues and bosses. They have influence and power well beyond the position that they occupy in an organisation. They do this by acting with integrity and without dominating or manipulating others.

These qualities are in short supply and desperately needed in our organisations, in our families and in the wider social arena. Do you think you would benefit from developing the capacities needed to be skilled in crucial conversations?

We have a series of capacity building on-line programs that you can take in your own time and at your own pace by clicking on this link http://www.careermentoringinstitute.com/dealing-with-challenging.html

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Source by Bob Calkin